I had just driven into Toledo, Ohio for the first time on a tour to promote my book, and I didn't know a soul in town. The local newspaper mentioned a dance in a church with a twelve piece band. That sounded promising. So I bought a map and headed in that direction. The church was big with bright lights and good sounds coming from the community hall. I took a deep breath and walked in.

There, before me, were more than a hundred people who liked music and dancing. I knew that I would be welcome. In almost all of the hundreds of dances I have attended around the country, men who can dance were at a premium. I paid my seven dollars and began a very satisfying evening full of fun, conversation, making new friends, and dancing.

Music with a beat has always made me want to dance. But I never followed up until three years ago when I began taking group lessons in partner dancing at a studio called Paradise Dance in Northampton, Massachusetts. Group lessons include an instructor and about a dozen men and women with similar dance knowledge working together on a specific dance. An hour lesson cost me $5 if I took enough of them each month - and I took a lot of lessons. I learned so much, so fast, about partner dancing and about myself that I took as many lessons as my 62 year old body could handle.

I had thought that I was too old to learn anything as complicated and physical as dancing. It was a bit of a shock when I began, but what a refreshing awakening! I was also surprisingly comfortable with my women dance partners. Partner dancing begins by creating a physical frame together. In this wholesome setting where dance partners change continuously and the emphasis is on dancing, conversation is easy. The man's role is to lead the dance partnership, suggesting steps in a way that makes the dance an enjoyable experience for his partner. I was nervous about looking ridiculous in front of men and women I didn't know. But they were in the same boat, and we could all look ridiculous together.

Most of us beginners stayed at it, and within one year we were reasonably accomplished in Swing dancing as well as Waltz, Texas two-step, Rumba, and Cha Cha. Learning to dance also proved to be a relaxing and upbeat outlet for dealing with life's problems. Focusing on my partner's well being and on learning new skills helped lift me out of feeling frustrated and stuck. I also found a few married men and women, whose spouses were elsewhere, enjoying and improving their dancing - and maybe their marriages. Partner dancing was looking like a pretty healthy avocation. Yet, since men are still generally expected to lead their partners, the challenge was to overcome our stereotypic ideas of competition and winning.

In a dance partnership, strength and control must release into balance and support. Talk about two left feet..., I was like a bull in a china shop. The power methods I had known were slowly surpassed by the art of graceful invitation. When a man leads a dance partnership, he offers ideas to his companion rather than demanding specific behavior: gentle and confident guidance rather than pushing and pulling, patient and considerate support rather than criticism. Learning to redirect confrontational energy to produce harmonious, forward progress for a partnership then began to benefit my whole life. Needless to say, both family and business acquaintances appreciated my new skills. And, at $5 a lesson surrounded by beautiful music and other men and women with similar goals, it was a remarkable bargain.

Because men who can dance are in short supply, I received lots of support and reassurance from my instructors and partners. Learning the dancing and leadership skills was easier than I expected because I was appreciated just for being there. The consistent encouragement and physical exercise made it enjoyable.

Partner dancing is great exercise. Learning the leadership techniques energizes the mind, while repetitively moving through the dance steps stimulates the body through cardio-vascular and muscle restoration and training. As a former Marine, I can say that partner dancing is the most pleasant and effective exercise program I have experienced. Depending on where you live, it could be available most any day of the week.

Men are wanted to lead dance partners at dances and dance lessons everywhere. Look in the newspaper, yellow pages, and the internet for country-western, latin, swing, and ballroom dancing. It's fun, you are appreciated, it benefits your whole life, and it's never too late to begin.